Two years ago, I started my last blog like this:
This morning my alarm woke me from a deep sleep, my first 8 hour snooze since I landed in London, and before I even opened my eyes I was smiling. I knew when I opened them I would see the Olympic Stadium from my window and the Team Canada red peeking out of my closet. I also knew that at that very moment the Men’s 8 were out on the water getting ready to race for a medal and the Women’s Basketball team were warming up. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach – my nerves getting the better of me.
760 days later, I’m sitting here in China at the Youth Olympic Games thinking the same thing. So with a big smile, I couldn’t not pick up my virtual pen and start writing again and here I am. Oh hey world, did you miss me?
I honestly keep asking myself why I stopped writing in the first place, it still doesn’t make sense to me. I went through this whole phase of reinventing myself and redefining what success meant to me post-gymnastics, but somewhere along the way gave up on things that really mattered to me. I wish I could say I had some epiphany and through all my soul-searching came to this overwhelming conclusion about life and my small place in this world – but I really haven’t. Not even close. But I have realized this; I spent a long time trying to detach myself from my identity as an athlete and start fresh – whatever that means. Instead of starting a new chapter, I tried to write a completely different story. I felt that it was what I was supposed to do to move on, but I lost pieces of what made me happy.
I’m a recreational athlete now, but I’m the same girl who made it to the Olympics six years ago and I will carry a part of her soul and stubbornness for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t be who I am today without those experiences and I’ve come to understand that working out, writing, dancing and performing doesn’t only have to be a part of my past. It’s not just the future either – it’s who I am right now.
I can get caught up in always looking ahead or stuck reminiscing about the past, instead of just living my crazy life. It’s okay to not have all the answers – if you’re searching for ‘yourself’ you’re going to miss out on enjoying the little things that make you – YOU. So let go and be confidant in who you are – take a selfie if you want to, go to the gym, try something new, whatever it is just don’t sit back waiting and wishing for it. Express yourself in whatever way that means something to you.
Step 1 for me – pour out your soul to the world
It feels good to be back xo